The Inevitable Divorce

November 15, 2019
My sister, Mama and I

A very strange thing to be writing about since I haven’t really talked about my parents. My relationship with my parents is very strained but that’s the way it’s always been. My moms the most stereotypical Filipina mother while my dad is a hillbilly from Kentucky. The fact that my parents met, got married, had two kids and stayed together for 24 years is almost unheard of but that’s changing.
My moms waited four years to divorce my dad. Four whole fucking years because she wanted my sister and I to be okay. She’s been unhappy for four years and I had no clue.
I am a carbon copy of my mother so if you know me, you can figure out my mamas got some issues. She refuses to get any sort of help because like I said, a very traditional Filipina mother.
So I’ll just say why my moms filling for divorce since that’s the juiciest part. My biological father has been cheating on my mother for so long. I found out in March this year from emails about some dating websites on the family computer. I felt so sick seeing those. I can’t even describe the anger I had against my dad. I didn’t understand what my mom did that made my dad go cheat. My dad depended on my mom for non financial things and my mom depends heavily on my father for the financial things. My mother cooked, cleaned, took care of us, bought groceries and everything. My dad just worked.
I don’t want to go into their personal lives too much but to get a picture of whats going on: Mom is unhappy, depressed and completely heart broken while my dad is a liar, a low grade father and a cheater. You can see I clearly have a bias on who I want to stay with.

I’ve been angry with my father since March. Confronting him, crying about it and even having a breakdown in front of his entire family where he STILL denies everything. I would feel better if he did admit his faults like drinking too much, lying about his “work out of town” bs, thinking that being a good father is just paying bills and being manipulative. My dad thinks he’s got all of us in a trap like he owns us but jokes on him, I’m always one step ahead and he knows that I will not stop until I get what I want. I know that if anything doesn’t go his way, he will take some sort of financial stability from us. Example: when he found out I moved in with my boyfriend he threatened to take my car, my phone, my insurance and my tuition.

 You may be wondering why I am so caught up in this mess. I’m just the kid and they are my parents right? That’s true but I am the oldest sister and I have to take care of my family. My mom and I have no family here. All of our family live in Philippines, Dubai, Australia and we finally got four people in Canada but they can’t leave for 3 years. So when my mom wants to vent, she comes to me. Even though she shouldn’t, I take it because she has no one else. 

For my father, I just try to speak to him less. I try to keep things civil and don’t bring up any of the issues because he won’t admit it. I love my dad because he’s my dad. He’s a great person but a neglectful husband and father. I don’t want to cut off all contact with him because in reality, he still pays my most important bill and that’s my insurance. That’s it. I’m 19 and he can legally take me off it and that terrifies me.

I have tried to see from my dads side on why he’s being unfaithful to my mama. I just can’t see any justifying on why someone would cheat on their spouse. Why he continues to deny it and act like everything’s okay. I hate his mentality of this and I wouldn’t even be this involved if he just admitted his faults.

Something new recently came up, my dad has started to pay the bills late. First it was the water, and then the electricity and finally it’s the gas bill. I don’t live at their house but every time my mom sends me a picture of the notices, my blood boils. My mind races with why he keeps forgetting and it’s because he’s never home. He’s home for maybe 2 days out of an entire week.

I do find peace in that my mama is strong enough to leave him and that we will be okay. We won’t have the lifestyle like we did but that’s okay. My mama loves expensive things but she’s starting to be a bit humble. I also get a sigh of relief when my sister tells me she’s taking this situation better than I ever will.

Even though this bothers me every single day and every time I’ve spoken to my dad I get a massive headache, I’m still a happy girl. Hating my father will not be forever and maybe with a little bit of therapy, we can all find some comfort in their decisions.

My plans for when their divorce happens is to change or get two names. I really want to change my last name but my moms afraid my dad will be extremely angry and not give me anything which is a survival tactic.  It’s understandable on why her biggest concern is money.

Writing this all out has definitely helped a lot. I know it’s a little all over the place but I’m writing this in my notes app. I needed to get this out and hopefully if any of you adult children are going through a parents divorce, you can find some sort of closure in knowing that your parents will be much happier when it’s over.

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